Lessons I’ve Learned After Losing My Child

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By Jessica Moore

Grief is not easy, and it comes in waves. Sometimes those waves wash onto the shore high and sometimes low. What I have learned is with a little love, faith and hope you can get through grief together as a family.

Our Story

On June 26, 2012, we welcomed our second son, Easton Tyler Moore, to our family. We knew going into the delivery room, that Easton would require extra support. He had a major heart defect, spina bifida, and hydrocephalus. Easton fought and spent his first two months in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) at a local children’s hospital.

Some of those days we were told multiple times to brace ourselves for the worst as he would not survive. He proved everyone wrong and survived.

He fought long and hard to be able to come home finally. He was home for most of the year; we had a few short hospital visits but nothing major. Easton started to show signs of needing extra support again.

On October 9, 2013, we handed Easton to a surgeon to undergo his 11th surgery and 2nd open-heart procedure. The surgery was a success.

Fast forward to October 29, 2013, I was leaving work when I got a phone call from my husband. Something was terribly wrong, and Easton was not breathing. That night, our hearts were ripped from our chest. The words ring in my ears over and over, “I’m sorry ma’am there is nothing more we can do. You will need to tell us when you would like us to quit performing CPR.” With those words, my husband Chris had to look at a complete stranger, who had tried absolutely everything he knew how to save our son, to stop resuscitation efforts.

“The world stopped that night. We walked out of that hospital empty handed.”

We also tried very hard to explain to our three-year-old, that his little brother was not coming home anymore. The days after our loss, I was on complete autopilot. I went through the motions. Never once did we skip any event for our other child. We wanted to make things for him as normal as possible. We gathered up the pieces of our broken hearts, and we pushed through many days hurting and wishing for Easton to be back at home.

Life after loss

I remember a few things from the months after Easton died.

The one thing I remember the most was repeating to myself daily, “All you have to do today is survive it!”

This helped me; I had to survive this loss somehow. I needed to be whole for my other child. I walked around with a smile on my face, and when someone would ask me how I was, I would reply, “I’m fine.” Deep down inside I was not fine, and I was so tired of lying to everyone. That day I decided I would not allow his loss to go unnoticed. I would find a way every single day to honor his short but mighty life.

One of my favorite things I ever heard following the loss of my son, Easton was from a fellow bereaved mother. She said, “Jessica, losing them never gets easier. It just gets different.”

Her words could not be any true. I log on to my social media only to see memories pop up. Some days those memories make me smile, and other days they bring me to my knees. They make me happy, and they make me sad and sometimes they make me angry.

Continuing On: Honoring Easton

Some days the way I honor him is just to say his name, share a picture with my friends and smile when people remember him. Other days we do things bigger to remember and honor him.

To honor Easton we have a memorial lemonade stand every single year. The weekend of the Fourth of July Cameron gets his stand up and running and sales lemonade and baked goods all day. All the proceeds from the lemonade stand go back to a local children’s services charity that provides advocacy and support to people with developmental delays. With the proceeds from our first lemonade stand, we were able to purchase a Little Free Library for the charity’s playground. We were able to paint the library with a “Super E” symbol. We make sure to keep his memory alive. That is what helps us continue without him.

Always honor them, say their name and share awareness. You never will know who you might be inspiring. Fly high Easton Bunny!

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Planning a funeral typically involves the following steps: Notify family and friends : Reach out to close family and friends and inform them of the passing. Choose a funeral home : Select a funeral home to help with arrangements, including embalming (if applicable), obtaining necessary permits, and coordinating transportation. Select the type of service : Decide on whether you want a funeral, memorial, or graveside service. You’ll also need to choose the location and any religious or cultural elements to incorporate. Choose a casket or urn : Select a casket for burial or an urn for cremation. There are many styles and price ranges to choose from. Plan the ceremony : Work with the funeral director to plan the service, including music, readings, eulogies, and floral arrangements. Arrange for transportation : The funeral home will coordinate the transportation of the body to the service and burial or cremation site. 6. Should I pre-plan a funeral? Pre-planning a funeral is a personal choice. Many people choose to pre-plan to relieve their loved ones of the burden of making arrangements during a time of grief. Pre-planning allows you to specify your wishes for the service, casket, burial, and other aspects of the funeral, ensuring your desires are respected. Additionally, pre-paying for a funeral can help protect your family from rising costs in the future. However, it’s important to carefully consider pre-planning options, as funeral costs can vary, and you’ll want to ensure that the plan is flexible and fully understood by the family members who will carry out your wishes. 7. What are the options for scattering ashes? If you choose cremation, there are many options for what to do with the ashes: Scattering : Many people choose to scatter the ashes in a location that had significance to the deceased, such as a favorite park, beach, or nature spot. Keepsake urns : Some families choose to keep a portion of the ashes in a special urn or piece of jewelry. Interment : Ashes can be interred in a family plot or at a cemetery, either in a niche or within a memorial garden. Other creative options : There are many creative options for commemorating the deceased, including turning ashes into diamonds or using them to create a memorial reef. 8. What is a death certificate, and why is it important? A death certificate is an official document issued by a governmental authority that confirms the death of a person. It is essential for handling legal and financial matters, such as settling the deceased’s estate, claiming life insurance, and closing accounts. The funeral home typically assists in obtaining several copies of the death certificate. 9. Can I personalize a funeral service? Absolutely! Many families choose to personalize the funeral service to reflect the deceased's personality, passions, or hobbies. You can incorporate meaningful music, photos, special readings, or even display personal items that were important to the deceased. The funeral director can help guide you through creative options for personalization. 10. What should I do if I can’t attend the funeral? If you’re unable to attend the funeral in person, consider sending flowers, a sympathy card, or making a charitable donation in the deceased’s honor. If the family holds a memorial service, they may also offer the option to participate virtually, such as through a livestream. It’s always thoughtful to express your condolences in any way possible. Funeral planning can be complex, but understanding the answers to these frequently asked questions can help make the process easier to navigate. Whether you are arranging a funeral for a loved one or pre-planning your own, it’s important to take the time to make informed decisions. By doing so, you can create a meaningful, respectful ceremony that honors the life and memory of the deceased, while providing comfort to those who are grieving.